101 jokes72's has funny jokes, blonde jokes, dirty jokes and lots of very funny pictures. Check out our funny joke of the day and the latest adult joke's, political humor, and other funny stuff. Subscribe to our hilarious weekly newsletter packed with laughs! Got a joke that we don't have yet? Submit it to us!
Friday, January 7, 2011
HOW TO TELL A JOKE:
HOW TO TELL A JOKE:
|
|
Hopefully when you have rolled out the punch line of a joke, everyone will
be rolling on the floor or at least showing some appreciation.
Telling a joke is a combination of œ the material, the person you are telling
it to, the timing of the moment you tell the joke, and how well you present
the actual joke.
How do you know if the joke is any good? It will make you laugh. If it
doesn‘t make you laugh, forget it.
When you find some good jokes try them out on friends first, because they
will let you know if the joke is any good or not.
It‘s probably best timing to tell your joke when you are in general
conversation, with people you are comfortable with. A joke can brighten
up a dull conversation or awkward silence. Try to be sober at the time.
A key to telling a joke well is how you ”set the stage‘ for it. Don‘t build up
too much pressure or high expectation before hand, just launch right into
it —This Blonde was…..“ or make it sound like an event that actually
happened to you —I was talking to this woman the other day……..“
Speak with confidence, don‘t mumble or be embarrassed, take your time
and relish the punc h line.
So collect your jokes, practice them by yourself to get the story and timing
right, and then practice them on your friends. When you get good results
from the jokes you know you are ready to launch yourself on the rest of
the world, and weave the magic of humor into your conversation, for a
brighter more cheerful world.
JOKES HAVE A LAUGH ON US!
Diet Buddies
Rosey and Nina were best of friends and tried to do everything together.
Rosey announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds
she had put on recently.
"Good," Nina exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting
buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and
get a burger and fries, I'll call you first."
"Great," Rosey replied. "I'll meet you at Burger King."
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
| A mother takes her son to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son."
"He's suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery."
"How can you say all that without even meeting him?"
"Didn't you say he was 13?" |
|
|
| ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the doctors' demands are as soon as they c an get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
|
| At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.
One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?" |
|
|
| ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ |
| And more Jokes to come soon ...... If you hear a Joke you think should be in our next edition of this free jokes book, just send it to us: |
| http://www.personal-enterprise-self-help-resources.com |
| W hile you are visiting, subscribe to our monthly ezine, as that also has a good dose of humor each month, as well as personal development self help articles and tips. |
35
JOKES HAVE A LAUGH ON US!
"I just recently had my Visa card stolen. Right now, it's
everywhere I want to be." Scott Wood
|
|
| ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands. They had been silent for a while when the lass said, "A penny for ye thoughts Angus."
The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, "Well Mary, I was thinkin' how nice it would be if ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss."
So she did so.
But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lass to ask him, "What are ye thinkin' now Angus?"
To which the lad replied: "Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
An angry wife screamed at her husband, "Before we married, I was going out with men much more intelligent than you!"
"I can believe that" he retorted. "Obviously they were too clever to make the mistake I did."
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
|
| A very nervous patient came in for root-canal treatment. After being given his injections, the dentist left him alone for a few minutes.
W hen the dentist returned, he was surprised to see the patient standing next to the tray of dental equipment about to be used on him. "What are you doing?" the dentist asked.
Focused on his task, the patient replied, "I'm taking out the instruments I don't like."
|
| ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
A helicopter with staff from an oil rig had problems and crashed (safely) into the local lake. Struggling to get out, one may tore off his seat belt, inflated his life vest and jerked open the exit door.
"Don't jump!" the pilot yelled. "The helicopter is supposed to float!" As the man leapt into the lake, he yelled back, "Yes, and it's supposed to FLY too!"
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ |
34
JOKES HAVE A LAUGH ON US!
From the Sydney Morning Herald Australia comes this story of a central
west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car break
down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car
there in the parking lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On
closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the
chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private
parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward, quickly
put her hand UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring
at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
A couple with their young son decided to spend a day at a nude beach.
After an hour in the sun, the father went for a walk while the son played in
the water.
After a while the boy c ame up to his mother and said,
"Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"
The mother said, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So the boy went back to play. Minutes later the boy returned and said,
"Mommy, I saw men with willies a lot bigger than daddy's."
The mother said the same thing, "The bigger they are, the dumber they
are."
So the boy went back to play. Several minutes later the boy ran back to
his mother and said,
"Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the
more he talked, the dumber he got!"
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
| "I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but I made my landlord mad as hell." - Garry Shandling |
|
|
| ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ |
33
JOKES HAVE A LAUGH ON US!
***
| How do you make God laugh....? Just tell her the plans you have made for your life. |
|
***
A Grandmother was standing on a lovely beach with her baby grandson. Both were enjoying the seaside.
Suddenly a massive wave swept the little boy from her arms and carried him out to sea. Beside herself, the grandmother fell to her knees, beseeching God to save her beloved grandson and, if necessary to take her life instead.
In the middle of her desperate prayer, another wave crashed in, depositing the baby back in her arms, soaking wet, but otherwise unharmed.
She looked at her grandson, then back up to the heavens and said quietly, "He had a hat..."
***
A hiker lost his balance and fell over the edge of a steep and high cliff. At the last minute he saved himself by grabbing a small branch growing out of the sheer rock wall.
Dangling helplessly over a 2000foot ravine, he began yelling. "Help! Help! Is anyone up there?"
Suddenly he heard a booming voice. "I'll help you."
"Who are you?" asked the man.
"I'm God" answered the voice.
"Oh thank you, thank you" said the grateful man. "I knew my faith would someday be rewarded. What should I do?"
"Just let go and I'll catch you," instructed the voice.
"What?" exclaimed the man. "I said just let go and I'll catch you, " God repeated.
The man paused, then yelled, "Is there anyone else up there?"
***
|
| In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
|
| ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~ |
32
JOKES HAVE A LAUGH ON US!
GOD HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR, or we would not
all still be here!
|
|
| An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly found himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives.
Upon surveying the situation, he said quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screw-ed."
A ray of light fell from the sky and a voic e boomed out, "No, you are not screw-ed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picked up the stone and proceeded to bash the life out of the chief. He stood above the lifeless body, breathing heavily, surrounded by 100 natives with looks of shock on their faces.
The voice boomed out again, "Okay, NOW you're screw-ed."
*** |
| A guy named Joe finds himself in dire circumstances. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Joe again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck. Once again, he prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Joe, meet me halfway on this. Buy a ticket." |
31
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)