5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five
percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation"
warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,
turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn
how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in
the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
| "OLD" is when.....
|
| "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," |
| and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!" |
| "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator |
| shoes and you're barefoot. |
| "OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker |
| opens the garage door. |
| "OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. "OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long |
| as you don't have to go along. |
| "OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead |
| of by the police. |
| "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take |
| any fiber today. |
| "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the |
| parking lot. |
| "OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee. |
|
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.
"Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says. "That's cool," says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies, politely, that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw, I hear all the kids are doing it." Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby. So, he asks Carrie's father to repeat it. "Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!" Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt, and announces that she's ready to go. |
19
